I had an interesting conversation with a man, the other day who asked why he was struggling to meet women. He is using (among other sites) OkCupid to find a match, and he was frustrated in his enemy high rating of 40% + with most women on the site. For those not familiar, OkCupid is primarily a quiz-based or matchmaking dating site, where users can create their own applications for compatibility, and others take it. Each profile has a rating match, friend and enemy it against other users to show (presumably) as well as get would be. The more questions you answer, I find, the more precise matching mechanisms.
So this gent had a problem. His enemy rating was unusually large, and wanted yet to meet a woman to date. Honestly, really, really, just date.Not friends with benefits, but don't be a sort of serious commitment; he has just started your own business and may not invest in what you feel is the time required in anything else right now. Casual dating was the term that was used, and I understood his definition of it.
I watched dating profile of said gent and immediately noticed that there were two things that seemed inclined: its religious beliefs and sexual needs. Both showed him as very conservative, although nothing on his profile that a glimmer of both. In fact, after talking at length with him I found the man to be open, intelligent, engaging and a big flirt--not at all what I would expect from someone who (a) wanted to date randomly, and (b) is considered to be "Vanilla Mr.".
Subsequently, I ventured further into because he didn't feel that his questions of compatibility has found who's really. His explanation:
"socialize with few people from my religion.Most of my close friends-non-members, but closest kin-are not of my faith. Are only with a clasped by my faith. Prefer choosing my mates based on intelligence, wit, humor and integrity.With sex, well I know that I am Mr. Vanilla, the guy boring, yet none of my bros player ever held that against me, nor do my buds gay, bisexual, lesbian friends nor companions. Certain I don't fit in with the same sexual atmosphere, but none of that never meant anything with what we hung out. "
That for me, explained everything; applications on OkCupid did not adequately measure its tolerance for others and their beliefs/views/experiences, but rather, just as he feels when he answered them.Not wanting to an undertaking may also be a big factor as well; most women who use online dating sites I speak with are looking for one.
I believe also that the preferences/needs/sexual desires are a huge factor in compatibility, so once again, this may be why his numbers are skewed in that direction.OkCupid is a dating site, and therefore, sex would rate higher (mostly women) than it would if it were a zone only friends.For those who seek only to friends with benefits? well, it would risk sexual compatibility would be even more important.
Maybe success in meeting women will require a change in mindset for him then.Maybe say, "No commitments for me right now," is too black and white. more than one, "I got a lot on my plate and don't have a lot of time for a normal relationship, but is my ultimate goal at some point. again, if I meet someone amazing, I'm sure I could find room for you in my life," it would be more fitting--because if a woman is to be a potential partner for life, then only it would stand to reason that he would understand, accept and embrace his dreams, goals and aspirations, in their present form.
What do you think? THERE'S some make-up more I should do this gentleman, or he is on the right track? have you ever been in a similar position? how did you handle it?
Related: Why am I not getting answers to my profile Dating?, Free Dating Online Dating profile, how to Help.
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